What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
