I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
