well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
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