Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Houston, we have a blender
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
