mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Randomize
