there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
