We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
