it was like eating out sand paper
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
