She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
There r osticjed everywhere
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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