I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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