hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
