her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
