Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
