don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
