And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
