great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
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