I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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