So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
