Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
