Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
