Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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