White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
