Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize