Swine flu. Run for my life!
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
