Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Damn victory sex feels great
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
