So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
