I like my sex mixed with concussions.
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
that's an acceptable place to lick
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
