i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
