You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
