I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Just puked most of my soul out..
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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