ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
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