So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
