Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
