i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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