Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
