Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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