I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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