just come out here and I will go home with you...
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
