I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
