Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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