yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
