talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
you made out with another girl for some wings
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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