i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Randomize
