I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
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