Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Randomize