I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
If I die, sorry about rent.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize
