Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
