I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
