Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
