I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
