those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Randomize
