Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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