I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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