Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
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