They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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