i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Randomize