My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
