Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize