i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
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