I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
My breasts were aching with rage.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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