hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
