drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I lost the right to judge tonight
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
