I can't breathe out the right side of my face
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
