he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
