"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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