Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
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