Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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