had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
