I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
